When I was 12 my mother had found two issues of Penthouse magazine that I had hid (and I thought it was a swell place) in the wall of the shower stall. In center where the soap holder was I discovered I could slide it to the side and behind it was a small cavity. I would fold the magazines and place them in the small compartment behind the wall. I walked into the bathroom one day and my jaw dropped, there was my mother staring at the cover of Penthouse magazine with two women kissing each other while with great skill spreading their nether regions with a mere two fingers. “Oh Lord no…” She was shaking when she said that. She quickly turned pointing with the two magazines. “Is this yours? Or your brothers?!?!” Man mom was so upset tears were flowing down her eyes. My dad had been known to get in trouble for porn magazines from time to time and I honestly was going to pretend I did t know who’s magazines they were. My dad and my brother came rushing to the bathroom upon hearing my mom screaming. Mom instinctively reached out grabbing my brother by the ear with her free hand, he started screaming. She yelled over his pleas of peace. “Did you bring this demonic trash into my house? Did you?” She asked. See, that’s why I never got close to mom she takes with her hands, but her hands were very violent at times. My brother was dumb and got too close. “What’s that?” My dad said eyeing the magazines, he knew what they were I’m sure. Mom then let go of Gino’s ear and verbally attacked dad. “I bet now that I think about it these are yours. It’s right up your alley!” Mom said insulting dads taste in reading material. “Boys get out of the bathroom now!” She didn’t have to tell me twice. But now dad had become fearful and did the only thing he could do, he used his executive powers. “No, wait a minute boys!” He said firmly grabbing me by the arm and my brother. “Who’s junk is this because it isn’t mine! Speak up or I promise all summer you’re both on punishment!” Damn… School just let out too. “It isn’t mine dad I swear, gaaaaaah.” Double damn Gino said I swear both my parents knew when he said that he was telling the truth. He was the golden angel of the family when it came to telling the truth. Sure he’d get in trouble for things, but he never lied. My dad let Gino go and mom walked over to me, I thought I just felt a turd land in my shorts. “I’ll handle this.” Mom said, dad and Gino left the bathroom with a quickness. Mom shut the door, there was no place to run. She leaned against the sink crossing her arms still clutching the magazines. “I want you to be honest with me baby, ok? I won’t be mad.” Her voice was calm and soothing. “Are these magazines yours?” I looked up at mom and saw love in her eyes for me. I didn’t feel so scared now, I knew she loved me and it want until that moment I knew I wasn’t in trouble. “Yea they’re mine.” I said. Mom went from zero to sixty in two seconds. “Please God guide my hands!” She said rolling up the magazines into a viable weapon. She started whipping me with the magazine roll while saying it hurt her to know I had looked at such filth. When I tried running the roll would sometimes catch me in the head and face, I think mom lost it a moment before realizing it. I was crying and I yelled out loud Jesus please help me!” No bs I did. Mom heard that and she started to calm. She tossed the magazines to the floor and grabbed me holding me closely. “I love you so much boy, I just don’t want you making wrong life choices!” After the storm settled and it was safe to come into the bathroom dad picked up the magazines and with his best fake stern voice “Now come with me, I’m going to burn this filth out back!” He grabbed my arm and got some lighter fluid and a lighter. He marched me out back and place the magazines on the hood of one of his cars. “I’m going to burn each page individually to make sure this crap is all ashes.” And dad was true to his word. He meticulously turned each page carefully looking at each nude image of women doing things I can’t say on this post. Then he would rip the page out and burn it. Mom finally came out and snatched both magazines from dad and burned them. I did learn my lesson though, at least for that day. True story too folks. My brother and I did some stupid stuff back when we were kids.

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